I remember seeing a tech demo for a metroid 2 fangame, dark green
there was a facility. they were trying to reconstruct the ruined corpses of things which bore only a passing resemblance to zeta and omega metroids, which were contained behind susecutive glass windows; the omega behind one and the zeta behind both.
in the room with them was some kind of plastic-looking white pillar, which had a number of thick sections that were able to rotate independantly. the outer section was compromised of a solid wall spanning approximately one third of the circumference; the next open space, about 1 1/2 the size of one's fist; and then a number of vertical metal bars. this pattern continued inwards until there was not enough space. these sections were all contained in the vertical center of the pillar: the top and bottom were solid.
we had to sneak in for some reason, so we went to a side entrance and tried to fool the camera into thinking I wasn't terrified. somehow, despite my incredibly poor attempts at keeping a straight face, this worked, and we crawled through the hatch into a side room, which was filled with hay and wires.
the power was off here, but to the left was an unguarded archway to the omega's section of the containment room, which was brightly illuminated.
the corpses shuddered and rose as we walked in. an electronic whine sounded. having somehow shrunk down to the size of a mouse, I had to make my way through the pillar while they grabbed at me through the bars. this played not entirely unlike a game of super hexagon
at this point the guy from superbunnyhop cut the footage and announced that it was all part of a deception on the part of a new cell-shaded metal gear game and proceeded to review it. it had nothing at all to do with metal gear, but still looked very nice
some things happened, but I cannot remember them
we were in a room, huddled together. the facility had taken off and we were traveling through space
it turned out that the corpses were in fact xenomorphs, and because of the facility upgrading them with borg components, were slowly consuming the ship
I went to the room with hay. there was an hotheaded possum who was in the assimilation process, along with a bunch of cartoon monkeys who had already fallen
I don't remember what happened, but somehow I convinced it to not succumb, and after taking a number of very powerful weapons and installing a jetpack it left the ship with the monkeys. I was very motivated by this
some more stuff happened, but as usual I have forgotten what
I was hiding in an alcove of old files and junk, failing to hold my breath as a pair of xenomorphs passed by
they were very suspicious and I couldn't help making noise. at one point one of them came in and removed the stuff I was lying under; somehow playing dead worked
except not for very long, since immediately after I thought it was safe to get up they came back. I remember clawing at one of them and them laughing
I'm not sure what happened next, but the next thing I do remember is somehow convincing them I was a hologram. this was achieved by putting on an accent and bumping into walls a lot???
anyway, this enabled me to trick them into helping me rescue several cats and tuck them in bed with nami, who was sleeping blissfully throughout
after this I walked into a huge area with a large group of survivors and the perspective changed to that of a top down RPG, complete with sprites
the xenomorphs quickly realized I had fooled them and began blasting away at the group, who promptly returned fire to little effect
I went to the back, to a small passage that led back around, but was cornered by the second xenomorph, who had snuck around the back in anticipation of such an escape
I paused the game, but to my horror the xenomorphs did not respect the rules of mortals and continued movingI quickly unpaused and ran back to the group, who was fighting a losing battle
I managed to sneak down past the battle to a lower exit and ran to nami and the kittens before we all escaped together; it turned out she had been sleeping in a lifepod
we landed on a lava rock planet, and were given very disaproving looks by the resident golems
then suddenly we were back on the ship, which was now in high definition. Douglas Adams was there, trying to sell us on his latest hitchhiker's book [told from the perspective of ford prefect] which featured a large venus flytrap- type plant on the cover.
there was a segment where the events of the book played out, but I cannot remember what they were
I turned away and proceeded towards the room with hay, thinking about how the hd remaster was pretty good. then I saw that this time they had made the possum die and my brain went on a lengthy tirade about how remasterers entirely and consistently miss the point of what makes the originals worthwhile. I was very upset about it
then the lifepod, which was now a multipurpose room from subnautica, crashed onto a planet of grass
the leader of the planet came out and explained that the xenomorphs were artificial, made to be "knights of the last crusade"; going from planet to planet, sweeping up everything in order to take it to the rapture
apparently the rest of civilization's defences were plant-based and could not be activated on mountains.
at this point it was revealed that the lifepod's onboard computer had been Corrupted, so we got out [much to its annoyance] and watched as it was launched back into space by a rapidly growing vine
it was repelled by a couple of planets before, predictably, landing on a snow-covered mountain
a single syringe fell down from it onto naboo.
the world shook as everything came to an end
and that's when I woke up